The countdown is on for the first day of school and whether you have little kids heading to Kindergarten for the first time or big kids off to their first day of high school, there are a lot of mixed feelings in the air. I’ve caught myself feeling a tingle of anxiety in my throat when I think about how I’m going to facilitate all the tiny, yet important, details required for getting three kids to their intended places every morning. It’s not just getting them there on time, it’s getting them there rested, fed, clean and with all the required supplies. It will take a herculean effort to stay aware of what each of my children need every day for the duration of the school year—and that matters to me because when they have what they need, they can tackle their day with confidence.
Someone asked me recently how I recommend we talk with our kids about the beginning of a new school year. My instinct is to suggest that we want to stick to the facts. Empathetic communication is always my go to, but a little note in the margins on this one:
Let’s not use our desire to talk about feelings with our kids to inadvertently introduce ideas that might create barriers.
My kids don’t need to know that I have no idea if we are going to get to the bus stop on time everyday. I also don’t need to tell them how great I think it’s going to be, because maybe it’s not going to be so great for them at first. Instead, we need to hold our metaphorical Uno cards tight to our chest when we’re talking with our kids and save discussing our feelings about this for when we are with other supportive adults.
The ideal approach (I think, no pressure if you disagree) is we communicate the facts with as much neutrality as possible and then we back that up with visual communication tools. In this case, non-verbal visual communication tools help build the resilience that we so often seek to provide through empathetic words.
So if the question is how do we talk with our kids about school transitions, the answer is:
A few facts and a lot of visuals.
A couple examples of communicating just the facts in a neutral way may look like this:
On the first day of school I will drive you to school and walk you to your classroom door. Parents can’t go inside with you, so we’ll say good bye at the door and then you’ll go in and I’ll go back to the car. Your teacher will tell you what happens next. There will be adults at school who will help you know where to go, when to take a break outside, when to eat, and when to get ready to go home. At the end of the day I will be waiting for you outside the classroom door and we’ll drive back home.
The summer season is over and the school year is starting. That means your job is to go to school during the day and my job is to go to work. We spend time away from each other on school and work days and we spend time together on the weekends. Your teacher has my phone number and they will call me if you get hurt or if you are sick. School is for learning how to problem solve, for meeting new people, and for developing skills that you need to grow up and become adults.
New school year, same deal! You start a new grade with new friends, new teachers, new expectations, and new guidelines. Your job is to attend and be yourself and my job is to support you. I’m in your corner and I’ve got your back. That means I can’t go with you to class or do the work for you, but I can help you understand your school schedule, help you organize your supplies and assignments, and talk to your teacher or school counsellor with you if you’d like.
A few examples of visual communication tools are:
- Visual weekly and monthly calendars
- Morning and after school routine picture charts
- Photograph of your child with everything they need to leave the house in the morning (if they can see a visual of what “ready to go” looks like, they are more likely to be able to get ready when asked)
- Big kid check list of what kids need to pack for school
- Digital timers or sand timers
- A family photo tucked in a backpack pocket
- A beaded bracelet with your name on it or a special meaningful word that your child wears to school
- A picture of your child’s teacher put up at home
- The name of your child’s teacher(s) spelled out on the fridge or on a white board
- Paper chains for the days of the week (child tears off a chain loop for each school day counting down until the weekend with you. You create a new paper chain every Sunday night)
- A posted copy of your child’s daily school schedule, map of the school with their hallway route highlighted, or block rotation
- Giving your child’s teacher a Help The Teacher document. I like this one shown below created by Mary Van Geffen. Reach out to me if you’d like a copy and I’ll send it to you for free!
Regardless of the communication you choose to use or the feelings you might have, you, like me, will likely be trying your best to set your kids up for success. And every teacher or school administrator I know is also doing their best to set their students up for a successful school year. So, there is actually a whole army of adults working to create positive learning experiences for families with students from K through Grade 12.
If we keep that army of school professionals at the forefront of our minds the next few weeks, we can trust that our kids will be in really good hands when they are away from us at school. And when we forget a lunch kit or our child shows up at school over-tired with messy hair, we can trust that the teacher understands that there is an army of caregivers doing their best to take care of everything at home.
We’re all going to give it our best shot and when the school days get tough, the only thing left to do will be to fill in the gaps with compassion and empathy for all involved: parents, educators, education assistants, early childhood educators, bus drivers, school counsellors, child and youth care workers, administrators, and…most importantly, the students.
Here’s to being Tough school Cookies,
Michelle